this morning on the way to work, i followed some sort of truck-van vehicle with a large portrait of Admiral Hap E. Smiles on the back of it.
if you're bored enough to be reading this, you're bored enough to hear my tire story.
i went to walmart on saturday morning to buy some new tires for the neon. the ones that were on there came new with the car and a 40,000 mile warranty. the odometer was at 39,262 on saturday and the tires were bald as can be. i mean worn all the way down to the little indicator bars. they're predicting snow flurries soon, so i figured it would probably be as good a time as any to replace them.
i showed up at the tire & lube center at about 11:15. i told the girl (dana) i wanted four new tires installed. i picked out the goodyear viva 2, expecting to pay about $250 total after the installation and everything. dana told me it would be about 2 hours, so i went out shopping and had my first superhero sighting.
an hour and 45 minutes later, i went back. they told me my car was almost done, so i sat down and waited. it took them another 45 minutes to finish it, but finally i went up to pay. the guy behind the counter, lorenzo, told me my total was $201.07.
me: wait a second, could you tell me that again?
lorenzo: $201.07.
me: for four tires and installation?
lorenzo: yeah.
me: for four goodyear viva 2s and installation?
lorenzo: yeah. four of 'em. $201.07.
me: ok, that's just cheaper than i thought it would be. great!
so i paid $201.07. as i was walking outside, i started looking at my receipt, which clearly listed 3 tires, 3 valve stems, and 3 installations. hmmm. well, i thought, maybe there is some sort of discount deal going on that i don't know about. glad i came today!
i got out to the car, ready to kick my new tires... and discovered that i had three (3) new tires. and one old bald one on the driver's side rear. riiight. so i went back in and found my buddy lorenzo.
me: excuse me, you only put 3 tires on my car.
lorenzo: what?
me: THREE (3) TIRES. you only charged me for three, which is cool and all, but i need four tires.
at this point, dana pipes up.
dana: oh yeah, see, what happened was, somebody came in right before you and needed 2 of the same kind of tires. and we only had 5 in stock. so we gave you three.
(as if this is obviously the best solution to the problem. don't bother telling me that you don't have the four tires you've promised to put on my car. just give me three and hope i don't notice.)
me: so how do i get my fourth tire?
lorenzo and dana: *blank stares*
me: i'm not just going to drive around like this! that fourth tire is bald! i need a new one!
finally, lorenzo tells me that they're getting a new shipment in on monday at 11 a.m. he promises me (in writing) that if i come in on monday, they'll give me a goodyear viva 2 for $30. a pain in the butt, but whatever, holiday cheer, i'm nice about it. i tell him that i'm going to be there at precisely 5:30 p.m. on monday for my 4th tire, and that i didn't want to have to wait 3 hours to have it installed.
lorenzo starts to write down my information, to make SURE that whoever was working would know i was coming at 5:30 for my viva 2. looking off my receipt, he first writes CAROLYN PACK. i said, "no, it's hack. with an H. not a P. HACK. H-A-C-K." (i get a strange déjà vu at this point, because i had spelled it exactly the same way to dana 3 hours earlier.)
lorenzo: but the receipt says Pack.
me: but my name is Hack.
next he writes my phone number, finishing with 75.
me: seventy. not seventy five.
lorenzo: *blank stare*
me: it's a ZERO. seven-zero.
lorenzo: but the receipt says 7-5.
me: the receipt is wrong!
lorenzo: who checked you out?!
me: *points at dana, a foot away* SHE DID.
deflated, i go home with Baldy and the Vivas.
fast-forward. 5:30 p.m. monday. i arrive at the tire & lube center. i tell the girl at the counter (not dana) that i was here on saturday morning. i asked for 4 tires and was given 3. lorenzo and dana promised me that i could have a goodyear viva 2 for $30 (here it is in writing), and that i wouldn't have to wait, since i waited for 3 hours on saturday. she walks off to find someone else.
in comes another guy (not lorenzo).
guy: i'm going to have to have a talk with lorenzo and dana. they just don't have the authority to tell people they don't have to wait and can just jump in front of 8 other people.
he takes my key anyway and disappears into the garage. i sit down with my iPod to drown out the trashy people yelling at each other on some staticky court show on the TV. about 15 minutes later, the girl comes over to me.
girl: did they tell you those tires would be here today?
me: yes. lorenzo said they'd be in at 11 a.m. he even said i could come on my lunch break today if i wanted to, but i told him i'd be here at precisely 5:30, which i was.
girl: cuz, well, we didn't get any of those tires today.
me: *blank stare*
girl: so do you want like a better tire instead? cuz we'll give you a better one if you want.
me: no, i don't want a better one. i want TWO. i won't have tires that will wear unevenly. so, i'll need 2 better ones. you can put them both on the back. and i'm not going to pay any more than $30, because i'm not satisfied with the level of service i have received so far.
girl: oh. ok.
then a little kid came over to play with me. he was probably about 4. he was wearing a hat with very long strings hanging off the ear flaps that he said were spider legs. he kept "tickling" me with them. then he went to get a drink at the water fountain. he came back and told me that santa claus was flying above the ceiling. i didn't believe him. i told him i thought he was still making toys at the north pole. then he went to get another drink at the water fountain and went home with his mom, who had bought him (or some other kid?) a box of something called "ele-phun."
i sat there until 6:45, but didn't feel too bad because there was a couple there who had come in for an oil change and tire repair at 2 p.m. they were still there when i left.
and that's how i ended up with a pair of 80,000 mile warranty tires for $30. VIVA LA NEON!!! :D
Posted at 9:43 PM | Comments (7) Sunday, December 19, 2004
can't... stop... posting! carolyn overload! i just remembered another dream i had. i was at my parents' house in kansas city, and a box arrived. i opened it, and it was a present from my friend claudia's family (?!), and they had sent us two candle holders that each held four little votive candles. the holders looked like they were made of frosted glass, but it was actually some sort of pliable plastic, and they would bounce if you threw them on the floor. they did come with new candles in them, which apparently is a bad thing. (but i just learned a new term: "guttering candle")
Posted at 12:21 PM | Comments (0)
i had a dream last night that the cute bamboo plant i keep on my desk at work died when i was on christmas vacation. somebody had been watering it, but it was still all wilted and squishy when i came back. i was really sad about it, because i'm crazy about that plant.
apparently this is a "warning of possible difficulties due to careless planning." or maybe it's just because i was talking to my mom yesterday about my poor wilting topiary. it's about 5 years old, and i think i killed it. :(
not only is it a nice plant, but it has sentimental value too. some of my friends gave it to me in lieu of flowers after a play i did my senior year in high school. one of our other friends worked in the flower section of the grocery store, and had given them the "employee discount" on it, which made it cost 11¢. then they stuck carnations in the top of it and sprinkled confetti on it and presented me with this ridiculous party-tree. (the thing is at least 2 feet tall.) i hope i can save it...
Posted at 11:58 AM | Comments (1)
**update! i figured out what the second kid must have been asking santa for. his outfit wasn't complete without kid-sized plastic aviator sunglasses. gotta be as cool as officer supercowboy. the star on the shirt just wasn't cutting it.
fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
:::pedro arrupe, S.J.
Posted at 2:10 AM | Comments (0)
i went to two (2) christmas parties tonight, one at leah and will's and the other at joe's. both households have really really cute cats, and i want one. mike bought me this book for my birthday, and i have been reading it last night and much of today while waiting for my tires to get changed. (which is a whole other story... the end of which is that i have three new tires on my car and one old bald one. thanks, walmart.) i really want a cat!
speaking of reading books, last night (before i started in on the cat book) i read joe's book, the feral chicken of clayton. short stories (ok, these are essays, to be precise) are my favorite thing to read, especially when they're mostly non-fiction, as these are. i laughed out loud at least four times. very well written. pat on the back for joe. go buy a copy.
at the first party, we had a discussion about egg nog. here's how some of it went:
j.j.: what's in the egg nog?
will: egg... and...
me: nog.
*pause*
me: i figure it could be like chocolate milk. two ingredients... chocolate and milk. hence, chocolate milk.
will: well, i always thought "nog" could be a process. like you could "nog" pretty much anything. like pork nog.
then someone mentioned hearing about a guy who tried to create a pork martini. being a fan of the very wide variety of martinis at my local martini bar, i was sickened, but kind of interested, so i decided to investigate further. this is what i came up with.
(Were any animals were harmed during the course of this experiment? Of course! The pork animals!)
/begin post. (since it was so backwards... yeah, i need to go to bed.)
Posted at 1:18 AM | Comments (1) Saturday, December 18, 2004
i can't quite figure out the reason for it, but there seems to be a serious proliferation of small children wearing superhero capes out in public. take, for example, my shopping trip today. i went to 2 different shopping centers and saw one child at each one wearing one of these aforementioned capes. the first one was in dollar tree (a great place to buy wrapping paper, by the way.) and he was probably about 6 years old. his mom, who didn't look much older than me, was buying him some plastic police toy set. (neon orange gun, plastic handcuffs, really hot kid-sized plastic aviator sunglasses...) actually she was buying two of them, identical to each other, because, "i don't want you arguing over them." (to the cashier, "the way it is in my house...") his cape was clearly store-bought... not a towel or blanket tied around his neck as i remember any superhero cape from back in the late 80s... it was silver and appeared to be fastened by velcro via a small silver strip across his shoulders and chest. he had on brown cowboy boots, but otherwise his outfit was pretty normal.
the second kid (about 4 years old) was in line to see santa at the mall. he was a little more done-up, in that the shirt he was wearing also had a big superhero-esque star on the front, and he had on red pants to match his shiny red cape. again, a store-bought garment of the same variety. man, what is that kid going to ask santa for? what more do you need than a shiny red superhero outfit that mom lets you wear to the mall?!
Posted at 4:00 PM | Comments (2)
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